


Don't Let Me Go

by Lordofdeathn



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-23
Updated: 2015-08-23
Packaged: 2018-04-16 14:52:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4629402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lordofdeathn/pseuds/Lordofdeathn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Soulmate</p><p>Your other half. The last piece of your puzzle. What makes your life worth it. Make's life worth living. It is a weakness and a strength to have one. All you have to do. </p><p>Is not let go.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Let Me Go

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Tanagariel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tanagariel/gifts).



There are two stages of guilt, Clarke decides. The guilt you feel when you hurt someone or do something bad. Its heart wrenching and painful. Especially if you hurt someone, the look in their eyes is enough. One of betrayal. Or hurt or anger or something. Just nothing good. That guilt is stage one. A chest tightening pain, a bad sense of yourself. But it is survivable. It won't crush you. Stage two, now that, Is something else.

It is a hurricane of emotions tearing through your whole body threatening to impale you from the inside. Threatening to turn you organs into dust and use your soul as its own crash test dummy. The ghosts come then. Haunting and frightening. Never physically hurting, but blaming, accusing. Shouting to the high heavens about how this is Clarke's fault. Screaming at her, Demanding justice for all that was lost.

Atom,Wells,Charlotte,Anya, Random grounders and Mountain children, Maya...Finn. All accusing. Blaming her for their blood. Sometimes she feels it, sees it pour from her veins and coat her skin. Feels the warmth of Finn's blood when it coated her hands when she shoved the knife into his chest. Sometimes the ghost is on that pole. She watches the scene play out. As if she was standing several feet away. Watches as she drives it into his chest and ending his life. Watches his head slump lifelessly. Watches as she turns around and...

She has no face. Nothing but a blur, maybe she won't recognize her own face anyway. She wonders if she did see it, if she would see a monster. Raven's screams pierce the silence like a veil. Like a knife cutting a thick fabric. Like a blade stabbing her own heart. She killed her last family. She hurt Raven. She feels the familiar feeling of tears roll down her eyes. Like her soul is jumping ship, getting out of a body it no longer recognizes. 

She hears the angered cries of the fierce Grounder warriors. Demanding her blood no doubt. She remembers feeling like she would gladly impale herself on Indra's spear. Save her from the pain that is taking over. She can see Indra raise her spear and move forward. Eyes looking for revenge. Looking to pierce the soft veil of skin that protects Clarke's heart, or whats left of it. Then she hears her.

Lexa. She ordered them to stop, she understood then. The pain of loss. And though Clarke has tried. A memory smashes through her Anti-Lexa wall. Like a bullet through skin the wall can not stop the memory from snatching her from the current one she is held. Now she is next to the ashes of Finn's Pyre. 

_I lost someone to._

_Her name was Costia_

And it hits Clarke, Lexa let her kill Finn. She knew about the blade, of course she did. She knows everything. She let Clarke kill Finn. Let her stop the tortures the boy she loved would have to face. Because she  _knew_ what is would have been like to do nothing as the person she loved was tortured. She let Clarke do what she couldn't do for Costia. Because she understood pain. Lexa. The walls of her mind break. Lexa understands. Lexa will help. She admitted to loving Clarke. So, surely she will help. Clarke may still be sore about the Mountain. But the ghosts are worse. And Lexa understands. She can help. 

She learns where Polis is when she stumbles upon a village. The Grounder's instantly recognized the  _WanHeda._  Destroyer of the Mountain. The girl who slayed the evil that had been haunting them for years on end. Draining their people of their blood to heal themselves. To fix small cuts and bruises. It was pathetic and sick. And part of Clarke was glad that she made the evil go away. 

They sent her off with a bag of supplies. They were very nice for her, that was a good sign. Meant not all of them where calling for the blood of the Sky people. For Clarke. She walked fast, in a futile attempt to outrun the ghosts, but they were everywhere. So she just looked down and pushed on. She was strong, she could push through this. She will push through this. 

It happened a day later, she was making her way to Polis when she stumbled upon them. Bodies littered the ground. Blood staining the powerful green of the ground a dark red. It couldn't have been more then 4 hours ago. She recognized the armor of the Trikru alongside the bodies of other armored warriors she didn't recognize. The clearing they were in looked like a battlefield. 

She was making her way through the bodies. Picking up anything useful. When she heard a groan, her head snapped up and she gasped. Lying on a big tree at the edge of the clearing, a sword lodged in the side of her stomach, was Lexa. Clarke's heart broke as she sprinted to the Commander's side. The betrayal and heartbreak of the Mountain for the first time in a while flies out of her mind. She focuses on Lexa. 

"Lexa!" She exclaims as she crouches next to the fallen Commander, who slowly looks up, droopy eyes widening and blinking in disbelief. 

"Clarke?" The tone is raspy and broken, Lexa's throat is parched and her lips dry. She's still not one hundred percent sure that the blonde girl in front of her is a hallucination from the blood loss. 

"Don't talk Lexa. save your strength" The blonde was panicking as she assessed the injuries. This was not suppose to happen. She was suppose to go to Polis, meet Lexa in her big house. Let the girl show her Polis. Then slowly let her heal the broken pieces. Then maybe, fall in love again. She was not suppose to find the girl bleeding to death on a tree. This was not suppose to happen. 

"There is nothing you can do Clarke" The voice is less raspy now, and even with the words, Clarke can see a soft, sad smile collect itself on the Commander's features. 

"No. NO! Lexa your not suppose to die. Not yet. Your suppose to show me Polis. Your suppose to help me. Your suppose to love me" the last bit surprises Clarke but she doesn't care. Even with the betrayal she knows she still loves the girl. She doesn't know why but she does. 

"I never stopped loving you. Klark kom Skaikru. Heda of my heart" Usually the Commander wouldn't be so sappy. But she is dying, she no longer has to care about weakness. And this will be the last time she sees Klark in this life. So she doesn't care what she says. 

"If you love me then you will stay. You won;t leave me. Not again" Clarke clutches the Commander. Resting her forehead on Lexa's. Eyes boring into the beautiful green ones that captured her from the start. Lexa hand comes up and cups the blondes cheek. She instantly relaxes into the touch. 

"You told me...Of a place. You said, you think that's where your father and your friends will be... What was it called?" 

"Heaven. A place where angels live. A place where all your burdens are set free. A wonderful place" Clarke recalls the stories of heaven her Grandmother use to tell her. 

"Do you think I will go there?" and the voice is so hopeful that it breaks Clarke's heart. She sounds like a kid who's asking if she will go to Heaven. That small but hopeful voice. And she knows the answer. 

"Yes. Lexa, you will definitely go there" Clarke says it with full confidence. Yes Lexa has killed, but so what? The bible was full of murder. And Lexa is the most selfless person she knows. "I'll make my dad save you a spot" 

Lexa smiles at that

"I will wait for you there. Klark. Then I will make sure to make it up to you, and earn my forgiveness" She breathes the name. Reverently. And the determination in her words inspire Clarke. She begs for heaven to be real. To spend eternity with Lexa without the burdens of life.

"You damn well better. But, I already forgive you" A small sob escapes Clarke. Because Lexa is dying and she feels so helpless. Someone else she loves is dying and their is nothing she can do to stop it.

"May we meet again. Clarke" Clarke leans forward. To place one, final kiss. A goodbye filled with unsaid feelings and promises. Its salty from the tears and strong from the feelings.

"We will meet again" Clarke assures. As Lexa breathes her last breath. Clarke hears her name said. And Lexa stops breathing. Clarke's heart shatters, she feels more alone now then she ever has before.

"Yu gonplei stedon"

She sits next to Lexa's body, and cradles the young girls head to her chest. She feels broken. She wonders if she will ever feel full again . She looks up at the blue of the sky. Of her old home. 

"Take care of her for me dad" 

Clarke swears she hears Lexa laugh. 

 

It happens over a year and a half later. A disease. One not even her Mother could save her from. She says goodbye to her crying friends. Her Mother clutches her.  Crying and broken. Shes losing the last of her family. With her last breath she sees a light. Its shining and inviting. 

Shes sees her father and Wells, and so many others. And she runs to them. Hugging each and everyone of them as they beckon her forward. And at the end. Soft smile and green eyes. Her soulmate waits. And as Clarke runs into her arms, she feels whole again. 

"I told you we would meet again" She says as she crushes their lips together. 

She has Lexa in her arms again. And she's not letting go. 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is what happens when people write angst it gives me ideas. and I have so many I'm tempted to start a multi fic of heart wrenching stories just to write them. 
> 
> Told you I would try to break you heart Jude. Did it work? 
> 
> Tanagariel. You know why I write this. :P


End file.
